Talk about scary. Sorry for the long delay in getting a new post to the blog, but our hands have been a little tied by German bureaucracy.
So 4 weeks after we ordered a phone line and DSL, we are still waiting for them to be connected. Every time I ask about the timing or mention that I am the customer, I am kindly reminded that I am not in America anymore, and that they don't really give a shit about my problems. We've talked to a couple of other ex-pats and decided that the German model for customer service can be summed up as follows:
• I, the customer, have a deficiency -- be it a coat, telephone line, whatever -- there's something I want, but don't have.
• They, the retailer, have what I need, and therefore, they have the power. You see, it's not so much that they want to SELL me anything and MAKE $$$, they need to qualify me, and demoralize me first.
• So, if I was cooler, or somehow managed to rid myself of this they would think better of me. In the meantime, I should take all complaints to an 800-number that only serves people calling from landline telephones or contact them via WWW.WEDONTWANTYOURMONEY.DE -- the irony of which is that I don't have either (again) because of my deficiency.
When you think about it, it's the perfect business model for a socialist state -- you employ a shitload of people, none of whom actually produce anything, and avoid dealing with the messy needs or setting unreal expectations for your citizens. I am impressed.
My favorite example (beyond the DSL) was when I recently went to but a winter coat. I, as Erin, had realized that all of my clothes are perfect for California weather, where forecasts are basically filler for newspapers and newscasts. So I found one in a shop, but they only had M and XL on the rack. After digging around, I finally asked the shopgirl if I could see what size the mannequin was wearing:
"You can look, and then if you like it you can give me your phone number. I'll call you in 6 weeks when we redo the mannequin and then you can pick it up!!"
My mouth hit the floor. I mean, why didn’t I think of that -- such an easy fix to my deficiency. And really, perfect timing...it's only the end of October. So really, I looked at her and told her, "But I have the money here now, and want to give it to you..."
She cut me off, "Well I wont take it off the mannequin. It's just too much work." She thought a little bit, seeing that I was about to go postal. "You can come back at 6 PM tonight and I might have one from the store across the city that you can try on." It was 2 PM when she said this to me.
Needless to say, I agreed because my deficiency had to be rectified. I decided to walk around the Hackischer Märkte and check out the cool shops, get my € 10 haircut and chill. Thank God that during all of this, I saw the coat at another store that had just opened -- I got the help I wanted, the coat that fit, and a discount. The person that helped me is from Ecuador.
Anyway, enough about this rant; more has happened in the last month.
Erin's parents we just here for a short visit. The best part was when they walked in with 4 suitcases: 2 for them, and 2 totaling 70 lbs of American booty for us!!! It was like having Christmas back when I was 10 years old – every time I became fixated on one item, another package magically appeared out of another bag. There's just no replacing cheap Halloween candy.
We took immediately to the streets after the present ceremony. I don’t want to get too much into every detail of what we did (because Tom and Kay will make a guest entry here soon), but I think that in the 5 days they had their feet in Berlin was packed full of fun. It was great to watch their faces light up at the different sights.
One memory worth sharing was the trip to KaDeWe food market. You know that you’ve made a good decision when you literally stumble into a whisky tasting coming up the escaltor. Tom and I waited a bit to get into the tasting, but once started, we weren’t going to mess around. The guy tried telling us some interesting facts about whisky – blended vs. single malt, aging, blah, blah, blah – but it really didn’t matter. The second we bellied up to the table, Tom’s eyes locked onto the 15 and 18 year aged single malts. They server reached for the cheapy whisky, and Tom kind of grunted and said, “uh, nein…15 jahre…dieser hier!” So he and I drank the finest whisky being tasted that day, rationalizing that it had to be noon somewhere. It was a good start to the day.
As I said, I leave some of the additional story telling to Erin, Tom, & Kay.
Tom, thanks for fixing our bikes!
After they left, I managed to get out and take a few pictures of Berlin landmarks by night. Here are a couple of them to whet your appetite.
Dave
So 4 weeks after we ordered a phone line and DSL, we are still waiting for them to be connected. Every time I ask about the timing or mention that I am the customer, I am kindly reminded that I am not in America anymore, and that they don't really give a shit about my problems. We've talked to a couple of other ex-pats and decided that the German model for customer service can be summed up as follows:
• I, the customer, have a deficiency -- be it a coat, telephone line, whatever -- there's something I want, but don't have.
• They, the retailer, have what I need, and therefore, they have the power. You see, it's not so much that they want to SELL me anything and MAKE $$$, they need to qualify me, and demoralize me first.
• So, if I was cooler, or somehow managed to rid myself of this they would think better of me. In the meantime, I should take all complaints to an 800-number that only serves people calling from landline telephones or contact them via WWW.WEDONTWANTYOURMONEY.DE -- the irony of which is that I don't have either (again) because of my deficiency.
When you think about it, it's the perfect business model for a socialist state -- you employ a shitload of people, none of whom actually produce anything, and avoid dealing with the messy needs or setting unreal expectations for your citizens. I am impressed.
My favorite example (beyond the DSL) was when I recently went to but a winter coat. I, as Erin, had realized that all of my clothes are perfect for California weather, where forecasts are basically filler for newspapers and newscasts. So I found one in a shop, but they only had M and XL on the rack. After digging around, I finally asked the shopgirl if I could see what size the mannequin was wearing:
"You can look, and then if you like it you can give me your phone number. I'll call you in 6 weeks when we redo the mannequin and then you can pick it up!!"
My mouth hit the floor. I mean, why didn’t I think of that -- such an easy fix to my deficiency. And really, perfect timing...it's only the end of October. So really, I looked at her and told her, "But I have the money here now, and want to give it to you..."
She cut me off, "Well I wont take it off the mannequin. It's just too much work." She thought a little bit, seeing that I was about to go postal. "You can come back at 6 PM tonight and I might have one from the store across the city that you can try on." It was 2 PM when she said this to me.
Needless to say, I agreed because my deficiency had to be rectified. I decided to walk around the Hackischer Märkte and check out the cool shops, get my € 10 haircut and chill. Thank God that during all of this, I saw the coat at another store that had just opened -- I got the help I wanted, the coat that fit, and a discount. The person that helped me is from Ecuador.
Anyway, enough about this rant; more has happened in the last month.
Erin's parents we just here for a short visit. The best part was when they walked in with 4 suitcases: 2 for them, and 2 totaling 70 lbs of American booty for us!!! It was like having Christmas back when I was 10 years old – every time I became fixated on one item, another package magically appeared out of another bag. There's just no replacing cheap Halloween candy.
We took immediately to the streets after the present ceremony. I don’t want to get too much into every detail of what we did (because Tom and Kay will make a guest entry here soon), but I think that in the 5 days they had their feet in Berlin was packed full of fun. It was great to watch their faces light up at the different sights.
One memory worth sharing was the trip to KaDeWe food market. You know that you’ve made a good decision when you literally stumble into a whisky tasting coming up the escaltor. Tom and I waited a bit to get into the tasting, but once started, we weren’t going to mess around. The guy tried telling us some interesting facts about whisky – blended vs. single malt, aging, blah, blah, blah – but it really didn’t matter. The second we bellied up to the table, Tom’s eyes locked onto the 15 and 18 year aged single malts. They server reached for the cheapy whisky, and Tom kind of grunted and said, “uh, nein…15 jahre…dieser hier!” So he and I drank the finest whisky being tasted that day, rationalizing that it had to be noon somewhere. It was a good start to the day.
As I said, I leave some of the additional story telling to Erin, Tom, & Kay.
Tom, thanks for fixing our bikes!
After they left, I managed to get out and take a few pictures of Berlin landmarks by night. Here are a couple of them to whet your appetite.
Dave
posted by Dave Suss at 1:27 PM
1 Comments:
Dave! Great entry...I can hear your voice when I read it and see the steam coming out of your ears!!! :) Kristin
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